That X factor

You ever do the same thing over and over and over?  It's engrained in your soul it's a part of your personality.  It bugs the hell out of you, and probably others.  We all have that.  That one thing we want to change.  Every new year, new month, new season, new relationship, maybe even new day, we tell ourselves, "this is the day to stop",  stop self sabotaging.  That's all you are doing.  I do it, you do it, we all do it.  We all rationalize why we do it.  For me, my little quirk that I would erase out of my behavior is emotion based.  That silly metaphorical tantrum I throw when things don't go my way, or I feel hurt, or ignored.  That one thing I know is a bad idea, I know will make everything worse, and I know I will regret.  I call it my X factor. This is because I am 99% sure this behavior is written into my personality by the fact that I am XX, female, a girl.  Maybe this is true.  Maybe I am just a bitch.  I also call it my X factor because, ask any of my exes... it was probably the straw that broke the camels back.  We all have one.  What's your X factor?

Paradox

Life is full of them.  Sometimes it hurts to laugh, it's a relief to cry.  We can meet a new friends for like ten minutes and proclaim "I love her"  but someone you have known for years and truly care about can make you hate them.  On social media the only people we de-friend, block, or unfollow, are people that have meant something to you at one time or another.  But yet we have 500 other people on there we barely know. We hold back our feelings and avoid important conversations, but then we post pictures of every minute of our day online.  We are more open and also closed. Everyone knows our business but no one really knows us.